Analects -Book 5, Passage 28

" The Master said, in a village of ten households there are certain to be those who are as loyal and trustworthy as I am, but none my equal in the love of learning." 

    This is a passage that is easily overlooked, and my first two three times reading the Analects I did not really pay it any attention. It was only after talking about during one of my classes that the passage opened up for me. My professor pointed out that this passage was one of the only times in the Analects where Confucius can be seen praising himself. I had never though about that, just simply assumed he was trying to promote others to be avid learners. I have always thought myself as someone who loves learning, and that accomplishing this was much easier to accomplish than being loyal or trustworthy. But what does it mean to love learning ? The conclusion I have come to is that to love learning is to be humble, and in this sense I have  to take back the claim I just made. I have not always loved learning, I have loved knowing, and there is a difference between the two.

   I remember some time towards the end of first grade, I was sitting in Mrs. Keathly's classroom preparing to visit 2nd grade classrooms to determine where I would go the next year. As I waited to go visit Mrs. Freison's classroom, there were also two older girls waiting in Mrs. Keathly's classroom. I do not remember who they were or why they were there, but I do remember specifically them teaching me multiplication and a few square roots. First they explained to me 2x2 and then asked me to figure out 2x4. I have always been quick with this type of problem solving, and with the added motivation of impressing older kids I was able to pull out the right answer. I imagine I was quite prideful about this, but in all honesty I do not remember. The whole event is rather fuzzy to me, but what I do remember is a feeling that I get associated with the words "square root." After answering correctly one of the girls said something a long the lines of "Do you know what a square root is?" Knowing full well that i did not, and reveling in the fact that she held this mysterious knowledge. And because I was a little boy so open to trust the feelings of others the words "square root" were etched into my mind just as how she portrayed them, a mysterious power. The feeling I get when I think of these words very closely linked to an image. It is an image of Spaceman Spiff's Demise-O-Bomb combined with the final weapon in The Butter Battle Book. A potent force that sits behind locked doors hidden from normal eyes to see. The girls told me two square roots, the square root of 81 and the square root of 100. I'm sure the idea was only a little less foreign to them then it was to me, and their choice of these two examples was not for reasons of pedagogy, but because they were the only two they knew. Perhaps one of them had an older brother or sister who bestowed this mysterious knowledge on them in a similar manner. Whether this is the case or not, I made sure to memorize these powerful words, and preceded to use them effectively to wage my own social battles. Upon entering the second grade if there was every a debate about who was smarter, square roots were my ace in the hole; just as if there was ever an insult competition, "you super sonic idiot disconnected brain infected ding-dong dork" was my ace in the hole. I think this example accurately reflects my how I viewed knowledge, even well into college.
   What I loved was not learning, it was knowing, and more specifically, knowing things that others did not. Knowing things that others do not makes you feel power over them. Nothing is more showing of this truth then watching a diverse group of undergraduate students talk. Regardless of the subject, each attempts to bend it to fit the specific discipline that has been partially etched into their brains. And if by change the opposition wanders innocently into their field of choice, like a gunmen challenged to a duel they shoot without hesitation. All so that they may take on the role of "the knower".  In psychology there is a concept that refers to this called Maser orientation vs. Performance orientation
      The idea is that they are two different ways of learning. People with a Master orientation learn something because they are confident that they have the ability to, and take pleasure in the process of progressing. People with a Performance orientation learn something to legitimize a certain role they want to show the world. Those who adopt a Performance orientation are not concerned with learning, or progressing, just with how they look doing it. This idea was deeply embedded into my head for a long time. To the point where not was not only performing for others, but for myself as well. I remember I if there was a video game I liked, I would need to be able to beat if flawlessly. This meant getting through the entire game as fast as possilbe, without dying, taking damage, and unlocking everything. I remember playing sonic 2 on the Sega dream cast, and restarting over and over again. one time I got to the second to last level without dying once. I had amassed 34 lives, and despite this I restarted after dying. I never beat Sonic 2, I was too obsessed with performing rather then playing.
       Going back to Confucius's quote, I think to love learning is to have a Mastery orientation. You learn not to say you know but to discover how much  you do not know. I my opinion someone who loves learning never truly believes they know anything perfectly. They are constantly looking for what they do not know. In  this sense, I see the love of learning as a type of  humbleness. No matter how far you take a field you never assume yourself a master, you are always a student. This is something I still struggle with. Even with this quote , now that I have this idea, I feel like I know what it means. It will be tempting to pass over it the next time I read the Analects, or to just refer to this idea. But this is not learning. I think as of now I am actively pursing a mastery orientation, but out of instinct focus on performance, especially in areas linked to my identity. Today I am going to an interfaith conference, it is my goal to keep this in mind, and not wage these subtle wars for the dominance of my ideas. I say I love learning, but this is not yet entirely true.